Chapter 3

Help for Blended Families

by Mauri Gandy

There I am - A Failure Again.
defeat set in as I realized there was no Hope
for our marriage.

I really tried. Much harder than I did during my first marriage. It was much harder than the first time too. So many attacks. Constant caring for children and housework. No time for us.

I really wanted it to work -
for our children,
for my children,
and for me.

I saw no hope now, I exhausted all my avenues. "Go Ahead and file," I told him. "I will not fight you, if this is what you really want." The arguing had stopped, all I felt was rejection. So now I was just waiting for the day to come when he would come home and tell me he filed. It was just a matter of days till he would leave. I had already told my closest friend, no more hiding the truth.

We had been through so many spiritual attacks, but I was not strong enough to handle this one. I had no more strength to stand the spiritual fight. And I sure could not do it alone. The tears continued daily. After the kids left for school I just wanted to crawl back in to bed and sleep away the unending pain, hurt and rejection. I was totally unsure of my future, where we would go, how we would survive. But I was not strong enough to think about that, I just tried to make it through the day.

Then one day I saw this book neatly placed on his desk in our bedroom. strange for him to leave one book on the center of his desk, so I picked it up. The title grapped me, "Lord I've Felt Like a Worm For So Long, It's Hard To Think Like A Butterfly!" by Joan Wilson. Craig never reads books by women, I thought. I held the book, starred at the beautiful butterfly on the cover, and thought....
"This is exactly how I a worm." I took the book, climbed on to the bed and began to read.